Do you ever feel people are walking on you? If so you might have a problem with boundaries.
There are other people’s boundaries and yours. The skill is to recognise where a boundary edge might be, and then to skillfully communicate this boundary to others.
An example of a boundary might be wanting to be told if a friend is visiting your house before they arrive. As you can see people’s boundaries can differ. Some people might enjoy people just turning up at their house.
If a boundary is trounced we often feel violated or agitated. There are three main reasons why your boundaries may be in jeopardy regularly:
1. You are unaware of your boundaries
2. You are ineffective at communicating your boundaries to others
3. You have skillfully told the person in question but they don’t care
1. Develop awareness of your boundaries. This is mostly a case of becoming more aware of how you feel throughout each day and assessing which situations cause you particular discomfort. From here you can assess where your boundaries lie, if you struggle with this then mindfulness or therapy could increase your awareness
2. There are different reasons for ineffective communication of boundaries. It might be that you place too much value in being nice all the time so feel uncomfortable asserting your needs to others. Or it might be because your communication style needs some improvement.
3. This might be a toxic individual who needs ditching from your life, or if that’s not possible finding ways to minimise contact with them or becoming very firm and assertive with them.
Hopefully this gives you some insights in to what boundaries are and how to improve on them. People with depression can often have issues with boundaries especially those of us who are extremely nice and find it difficult to assert our own needs. I myself used to be this person and it cause me a lot of anguish.
Contact me if you’d like to find out more.
Copyright MEN HEAL 2015