Your Inner-Self

Very often when people hear the saying, ‘look after number one’ they generally think it means being self-absorbed. In a way the statement could sound selfish to some people, however I believe there is more to this statement than meets the eye. Sometimes to truly find the meaning to something all we have to do is take a step back and really think about. I have learnt to do this by studying and having counselling and having this perspective gives yourself a new lease on life.

I believe that ‘looking after yourself’ is a very important responsibility. It is a responsibility that holds even more importance if you feel more anxious than the majority of people. I have found this out this year. Your inner-self consists of your inner thoughts, values and most importantly what you want. Ask yourself ‘What do I want right now and how can I make the required changes?’ I never used to focus on my inner-self because I was too wrapped up in what other people thought of me. I would feel conflicted about my opinions if anyone disagreed with me for example. I would allow myself to drift with others even if it went away from what I felt comfortable with. However I now realise this should never happen. I have asked myself out loud what I want and by doing so I have built up the courage to achieve this.

I know I’m in the midst of a major, transition; one that has took a long time to get rolling. A few years ago I would try so hard to make a good impression on someone. I would unrealistically think to myself, I want this person to like me but I’ll put on an act and try and entertain that person into liking me. I don’t have to do that any more because I have taken that step back to assess what I want and need right now. It is one of the best feelings I have had in recent memory. I think we all should take time out to look after ourselves in this way. There is no harm in doing this. Who out there will say to you “no, you can’t do this?!” Exactly no one!

This also spills into my previous article about men feeling like they need to be the ‘man’ and appear strong. Tell me who is this so called ‘man’ that we are told to be? What does this man look and behave like, where has this mythic description come from? The truth is, it doesn’t exist. Being strong comes in many forms, especially through admitting you have flaws and weaknesses. I know I have but only by coming to grips and assessing these problematic thoughts can we find the solution.

When faced with a problematic response I have created false defence strategies. One I used to use quite often was denial. If I disagreed with a perfectly fair opinion of someone, especially if it made me feel slightly angry, I would kid myself by providing a false statement to deal with it. This again was because I didn’t know how to deal with it or express myself. I realise now that I should let this tension go. It’s ok to have a differing opinion about something even if it makes you sound controversial.

Like I said before it’s about listening to what you feel, not ignoring it. I’ve had quite a lot of emotional stress this year relationship-wise but I know that in the end I need to have self-respect. In difficult social and emotional situations sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing to do and that will take self-respect and focusing on your inner-self.

I’d like to share some lyrics that I found motivating today. The song is called ‘Wildest Dreams’ by my all time favourite band, Iron Maiden. It’s a simple, up tempo song which carries a great message.

I’m going to organise some changes in my life, I’m going to exorcise the demons of my past, I’m going to take the car and hit the open road, I’m feeling ready to just open up and go.’

‘And I just feel like I can be anything that all I might ever wish to be and fantasize just what I want to be, make my wildest dreams come true.’

‘I’m on my way, out on my own again. I’m on my way; I’m going to break away.’

‘When I remember back to how things just used to be, and I was stuck inside a shroud of misery. I felt I disappeared so deep inside myself, I couldn’t find away to break away the hell.’

‘When I’m feeling down and low, I vow I’ll never be the same again. I just remember what I am, and visualise just want I’m going to be.’

‘I’m on my way, out on my own again. I’m on my way; I’m going to break away.’

Robert Jones

Copyright MEN HEAL 2015

5 thoughts on “Your Inner-Self

  • May 21, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Another stella article Rob!
    Regarding: “A few years ago I would try so hard to make a good impression on someone. I would unrealistically think to myself, I want this person to like me but I’ll put on an act and try and entertain that person into liking me”.

    I was similar to this myself once upon a time but now i am just myself and if people like me they like me and if they don’t they don’t. There are people who like me and they are the one’s that count and have value in my life.

    • May 21, 2015 at 2:47 pm

      This reminds me of a quote I saw recently:

      “I used to walk into a room of people and ask myself ‘who wants to talk to me?’. I now walk into a room and ask myself ‘who do I want to talk to?'”

  • May 26, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Good comment Mike , good comment! Never thought of either question before!

  • May 26, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    Yes, it made me think too. It’s so healing to reach a place where we don’t worry about being liked. We just accept ourselves and do our best, if we are liked then so be it, if we aren’t then so be it! 🙂

  • May 26, 2015 at 12:28 pm

    Healing at it’s best sometimes!


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